Learning about SF from other sources

Hi Readers,

Thank you for reading my blog, I hope you will find my personal experience useful in the pursuit of your own solutions. Futher down at the bottom of the page, I have added some useful links to add this new found healing tool some very good professional references.

For those of you whom I have inspired to know more of SFBT, here are some theoretical discourses ( the "Chim" Stuffs ) behind the foundational principles of how Solutions Focused Brief Therapy have evolved since 1978. That's when both of them started the Brief Family Therapy Centre in Milwaukee, along with three others.

It was first pioneered by Steve de Shazer ( Sept 2005) & Insoo Kim Berg ( Jan 2007) who have since recently have both passed on. And have left behind their great legacies for others to emulate. Solution Building Model is truly Limitless in it's Life applications.

While the SF Basics may be easy to grasp, but it takes considerable efforts to adopt as an unconscious skill in our day to day dealings with our family, relatives, colleagues, bosses or people who just simple need to agitate others to feel good about themselves.

Like an infant who is trying to learn how to walk or the kid who is struggling to keep balance on a bicycle, we will probably fall quite a lot in order to be able to " walk " or " cycle " I have, a couple of times already, realising that no doubt we already knew the basics, yet sometimes slipped back to old habits.

Human emotions when uncontrolled ( let Lose ), can run wild. Sometimes we are shocked to learn that Such-and-Such person who is normally very polite & quiet can turn into a monster, who can inflick injury to the people that cared for him / her.

To change " whatever ____ " we must first be a " customer " for change, meaning how strong is your " Intent to change " ( How bad do you want to learn to walk, to that table to get to the cookie jar ) Practise, practise, practise & practise.

One trick I learned recently is to quickly predict in flash of my mind, what is the likely outcome of my actions / words with whoever. If you don't like what you see, better try to do something different. (I called it my "SF Echo" ).

Well, there is a constant nightly struggle I have with my son, every evening he would want be to tuck him in bed & to kiss him goodnight. He don't care what I am doing at that moment, whether I am replying an email or searching for resources. As soon as he decides he is going to bed, it's my duty as his Daddy to do it.

So I end up reluctantly followed him to his room, while my mind was half way across the world. He would jot my attention back to Earth by hitting me. Sometimes we would end up wrestling each other, me being larger built would hold him down. He can only moved his fingers, move he did, he will inflicked deep clawing marks sinking into my forearm or bite me, in order for me to let go of him.

I told him that I don't enjoy being scratched & bitten like that, if he continue like this, I will be afraid to tuck him to bed at night. I'm happy to say that is moving along smoothly, bit by bit. Already they is no deep scratches or teeth bites on my arms ( which used to be a daily affair ) & less temper flares shooting across the room.

If all parents can be equipped with SF skills set, the whole will definitely a better home for all of us. Why didn't I come across this wonderful discovery sooner. This is definitely one of the world's best kept secret in dealing with people.

The First Steps...

I was pulled out an abyss of hopelessness by Solutions Focused Brief Therapy. Some months ago, I was involuntarily classified as an unemployed PMETs

Bravely optimistic, I tried to write-in, eMailed, walk-ins, bugged every single contact I could think of. It must be around about 200 over applications. Disappointment & doom starts to set in, as memories of last year's months of unemployment's woes began to flashed across, when I was retrenched the year before that.

So I began to think, where did it I go wrong? What can I do to "age-proof" my job ? I don't want to grab any job that comes along and two / three years down the line, start the merry go round jobless cycle yet again.

I have no viable business plan to a business on my own, let alone the capital to do it! Then, it dawn on me that I was most unhappy working alone. I need social interaction in my work. So I visited my old friend working in a Volunteer Welfare Non-Profit Organisation......which leads me to realised that I needed to be adequately trained in the helping profession.

Then I seek out & talked my other good old friend who knows about counselling.....and another,......and somehow stepped into the world of Solutions Focused Training and introduced to this remarkable healing people approach that have touch many a troubled souls, helping them to help themselves to finally overcome their own damaging inhibitions.

As I attended the First Basic Training Module, I began to put to practice what I have learned.
At first conciously, then unconsciously, finding myself realising that "Hey you! just do it & see how the miracle of change unfolds itself" Yes, Things & People are begining to change...not a whole lot, but a little by little.....it is astonishingly, remarkably good.

" When you change the way you look at things, the things you looked at, changed " by Dr. Wayne Dryer " The Power of Intentions"

WOW! Powerful Stuffs, isn't it?

So instead of dwelling on the problems & the issues surrounding it, focused on the Good Stuffs. The resultant effect/environment you want to arrive at. What is YOUR GOAL & seek your utmost to achieve it every little possible moment you can think of.

From a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being hearing about a new technique in helping people overcome their difficulty ( unconsciously unskilled level ) & 10 being the smooth competent SF facilitator ( unconsciously skilled level ) I guess now I am at 3.

I am working on moving one notch up to 4 by constantly being aware of my own dealings ( actions & words ) with the people around me first. And hoping to make a significant change of my behaviour towards them. At the same time loading up on SF knowledge by reading up as much as I can cramp into my lucid brain cells.

My Miracle have unknowingly happens....and has slowly began to unfold itself, moment by moment. Yes, I have already tried to use it, twice of five occasions on various individuals.

Well just yesterday I was fuming MAD, triggered by some negative comments. I had to bite my jaws tight together, and not to let out my words of frustrations...as long as I focused on being the offended party/victim I couldn't get out it, it went on for at least an hour. I feared I was about to turn into Incredible HULK.

And suddenly, all it takes a switch (in your mind) to flip it over with gentle kindness & loving care....and it's gone, like magic. Proceeded with your actions as if it is not there in the first place. No more ill feelings. No more anger. Everything sort just defused itself. What you focused is what you get! It's amazing & it's my first steps into Solutions Focused Brief Therapy.