Why I started this blog ?

" A great teacher is not simply one who imparts knowledge to his students, but one who awakens their interest in it and makes them eager to pursue it themselves. He is a spark plug, not a fuel pipe. " ( M.J. Berrill )


I am now the student and hope one day to be that teacher ! So this is my humble way of spreading the SF Rumour......

It's blog specially dedicated to plot the learning experience of a new lifestyle of Solution-focused living...dun worry it's not a new cult or something in fact nothing to do with religion, it may be spiritual though. It's about picking up this new skill & applying it in our life. I sort of want to chart my progress in this & challenge myself to do better by letting everybody know about it, that I would not give it up easily. It will also serve as a tool for other to share their experiences.

It's finding what works in our daily living & doing more of it, which will definitely leads to something else greater. it's about a change in perspective. " If you change the way you look at things, the things you looked at changed." It's as if a miracle had happen overnight while we sleep, and when we wakes up in the morning, we began to see things in a different light & people around us will view us differently & so on & so forth

SF seek to offer an alternative perspective for people struggling with their " Whudever issues ". Most importantly SF approach believes that each person have within themselve the resources to find their own solutions, if they are able to focused on What's Working in their lives & do more of it, no matter how insignificant. It's that simple! .... if one route is being obstructed, try another route. That's SF thinking.

There loads & loads of case studies that shows difficult cases which doctors using the Medical approach for years & could not make any headway with them....and were referred to SF therapists as a last resort, and have found a way out with SF, cured! people with eating disorders, addictions, hallucinations, self mutilators, Anger management ( the list goes on....)

I myself found I am able to defuse myself by telling myself to switch focus when I'm boiling angry. Normal time it takes approx. take about 45 mins to cool down myself. Now 2 of out 6 times, I'm able to made the switch almost instantly when I shift my thoughts away from myself being the victim / oppressed, the mounting pressure inside my head sort of defused instantly, it's amazing (like a miracle).

Right now if you asked what was the sarcastic remark or insinuation, I can’t recall. And it’s not important anymore. So proving once again that very often solutions may not be totally related to the problems per se.

What SF is NOT...

" Some Students drink at the fountain of Knowledge, others just gargle " RK Bergethon






More Reflections from last weeks SF Coach Training Workshop by Dr. Mark McKergow & Jenny Clarke " SOLUTIONS IN THE WORKPLACE " I would like to share the common misconceptions about Solution Focused Approach be it in Therapy or Coaching.

SF is Not Culturally Biased towards American/Western priorities

Someone once commented to me that SF may only be applicable to Caucasian Expariates' needs....it not applicable to our local context " our Ah Lians, Ah Huays, Ah Bengs & Ah Sengs " ( Challenging Adolescents ) on the onset I did think that too...How to lead them into the Miracle Question when we in the first place don't talk their lingo. It is also difficult if they are not a " Customer for Change " when they don't want to help themselves.

" When you INSIST, I RESIST " Anon

There is no problem unless someone is :-

• Doing something they don't want to do
• Not doing something they want to do
• doing something they want to do differently

Humility - the Art of Not Knowing coupled with your genuine empathetic ear will often win over even the most disgruntled individuals. The hardest skill in SF of them all, when you have accumulated years of scholastic achievement ( B. Sc, MA, PhD, ....)

The solution on which the focus is placed is not " the thing to be done is ...." , but rather " the difference that is sought ". Change is really not something that is extremely difficult: The problem vanishes, overwhelmed by the sign of the solution rather than anybody actively solving it.

Dr McKergow shared with us that after one of the SF Coaching training session he had with an Established Japanese MNC, an executive comment that he enjoyed the training because " SF is very Japanese ! " " SF is very respectful of the client, not talked down to, but bring up from..."

Not only do loads of Asians ( Japanese, Koreans & Chinese ) taken up the SF Approach because of it's effectiveness, but because they see in SF, their own cultural alignments - Face-saving, making people look good, being respectful, not intent on assigning blame.

" Many of us don't have to turn out the lights to be in the dark. "
Ethical Outlook

SF is not Positive Thinking

SF approach is often hastily characterized as Positive Thinking by those " trigger happy labellers. It's far from that, it's about finding what works, often at difficult & stressful times, ( like a breavement, how to look on the bright side of things when a loved is gone forever )

SF is not about wanting to make the client think that their life is better than it really is to them. It more like identifying what could work during these difficult times. We do this by first finding out what the client really want & to scrutinized for what is already working in their life, no matter how insignificantly small it may seem to them.

" Your ability to learn depends partly on your ability to relinguish what you've held " Milton Hall

SF is not Formula Dependent

Whilst SF Approach does appear to have a clear set of guidelines, they are there to help to set the stage for the Miracle Question, an interactive conversational tool to be used in order to achieve the expectant self-discovery of finding what work for themselves & doing more of it.

Yes sometimes by chance, that's all it takes to open the door of possibilities, however more often than not it take the skill of a Grand Master to ask the right question at the right time in order to open the floodgate of thoughts that will lead the client to formulate themselves the crucial steps of intenting to achieve what's better ( more what works & what they really want ).

Steve de Shazer, one of the co-founder of SF, is often quoted as saying " I only know what question to asked when I hear the answer that I get " a whole lot of improvisation is required, rather than following a fixed format to the letter.

To put in another way, even if you managed somehow to get hold an ancient secret recipe past down from generation to generation, from your Great Great Grand-mother, to make the famous " super-delicious Beef Rendang or whatever " it would be useless, unless coupled with the knowledge of what a pinch of salt actually means, and a dash of that ...."

" It's not good to know more unless we do more with what we already know " RK Bergethon

One more passing shot...

One super powerful analogy, yet ordinary it's an everyday living example about a Shopping List that was pointed out by Dr. McKergow. When you go to a supermarket, do you go with a list of what you don't want ? Of course not right! Generally, most of us would have a list what we need to get, either in our mind or written down. And as we proceed alongside the rows & rows of possiblities, we often end getting more than we bargained for !

What's Better ?

" We can know what better is without knowing what good is " Steve de Shazer ( 1940 ~ 2005 )



We have just completed a 2 Full day workshop " Solutions in the workplace " by Dr. Mark Mckergow & Jenny Clarke of sfwork from the United Kingdom. WOW ! WOW ! WOW ! My poor hand couldn't jogged down FAST enough of what being exchanged during these 2 days of intense Role Playing, Exploratory Learning Process on how to coach others successfully by asking " What they Actually want out of it ? " and NOT " What's wrong with you ? "



By actually going through the process of Affirming each other's unique special qualities, those of us felt Really, really Swell being on the receiving end. And felt real BAD when the usual common negative approach were being used on us. There were also a practice session of MOAN, MOAN, MOAN...to get taste of what is like to hear others " whinning " away. ( I realise now how others must have felt when I did it to them )


We learned that contrary to what the norm is, " the Coach is NOT the Expert ..." That means that you don't need to be a Doctor to coach another Doctor, or A lawyer to coach another Lawyer. What it really needs is simply, to be able to draw out the resources that is already available & existing within oneself.

Searching the possibilities of positive change, no matter how minute it is. The gentle tone & language it is to be done, chosing not to dished out our own perspectives on what's going on. And to to utterly resist the temptation to instruct how the person should or shouldn't do, say or feel. Labeling so-and-so is sufferring from such-and-such symptoms.

The trick is knowing when, the know-how when to listen ( pick out what's good ) & when not to listen ( discarding what's bad ) & at what moderation it is to be carried out in. That itself would require tremendous skill in balancing the act of coaching.


To me personally, it reminds me of learning Martial Arts when I was much younger, you'll need to practice, practice, and more practice to prepare your body physically (both flexibility & strength, which are quite hard to achieve both at the same instance ) And to combined it with meditation & CHI ( internal strength ) in order to execute the martial arts movements in perfect precision & harmony.



Dr. McKergow shared with us a funny analogy...He said, " when you hear the sounds of pounding hoofs approaching, think of horses, and not Zebras ! "


" In the minds of the expert, there are few possibilities, in the mind of the beginner, there are many!" Shunryu Suzuki




As I begin to reflect What could have done better in my previous employment in dealing with people ( especially those reporting to me) I know now I can react differently & being better than at those times, I've had done in previous situations where conflicts / problems have surfaced.

“The art of being wise ....is the art of knowing what to overlook.”
William James ( 1842 ~ 1910 )

Renew, Rewrite & Reinvent Your Life

" A Journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step " Lao Tzu




Hi Readers,

Please accept my humble apologies, for those of you who have read my first two posts, and have been scratching your head wondering what is this guy talking about????

Basically I am at a turning point in my Life. Sorry, for those who is not familiar with Solution Focused's typical lingo yet.

It's a certain type of counselling or therapy that focuses on Solutions rather identifying the problems. It's about being brief / short, not dwelling too much on the problems that causing us distress.

Often, as SF people would call it, the traditional " Medical Approach " spend a great deal of time thinking, talking, and analyzing the problems, meanwhile the sufferings goes on. And like it or not, the more you dwell on the negative cause & effects, the more acute the problems becomes.

So the valuable time, resources & energies should be spent more /on " What Helps ? " " What can I do more of what works for me? " thus bringing on a realistic, reasonable relief to the concerned individuals at the shortest possible time frame. Sometimes it's so simple that many learned professionals are skeptical about it's effectiveness.

Just a toddler that is trying to learn to stand up on it's own & stumbling to take the first steps forward, falling flat on the floor, the baby picks up himself and start all over again....with adults cheering on with their encouraging faces & words...trying again & again until he succeed!

So I, having been briefly exposed to such powerful truths, felt that not only should I makes it a a practice for myself to learn this skill to help myself & others, I should tell others I may not know about this great discovery in my blog that you are reading.

Hopefully I track how far I can progress with it & help to spread the SF rumour......and hoping one day I 'll have acquired enough skills & qualifications in helping others as my permanent vocation in Life!

Of course, one must not treat SF as a cure-all for every ills in Life, it it merely an dedicated approach ( direction / focus ) towards our daily dealing with people around us, especially those we loved so dearly. Try It in your surroundings ! You'll be pleasantly surprise what changes it will bring.

So ask yourself, " What can I do better in ........?" " What did I do recently that bring cheers to people's lives ? " What can I do to get myself out of this situation that hurts me?" And let me know, post your comments on my blog. Ok?

I am just an ordinary person, trying to do extraordinary things ! That's all !