What's Better ?

" We can know what better is without knowing what good is " Steve de Shazer ( 1940 ~ 2005 )



We have just completed a 2 Full day workshop " Solutions in the workplace " by Dr. Mark Mckergow & Jenny Clarke of sfwork from the United Kingdom. WOW ! WOW ! WOW ! My poor hand couldn't jogged down FAST enough of what being exchanged during these 2 days of intense Role Playing, Exploratory Learning Process on how to coach others successfully by asking " What they Actually want out of it ? " and NOT " What's wrong with you ? "



By actually going through the process of Affirming each other's unique special qualities, those of us felt Really, really Swell being on the receiving end. And felt real BAD when the usual common negative approach were being used on us. There were also a practice session of MOAN, MOAN, MOAN...to get taste of what is like to hear others " whinning " away. ( I realise now how others must have felt when I did it to them )


We learned that contrary to what the norm is, " the Coach is NOT the Expert ..." That means that you don't need to be a Doctor to coach another Doctor, or A lawyer to coach another Lawyer. What it really needs is simply, to be able to draw out the resources that is already available & existing within oneself.

Searching the possibilities of positive change, no matter how minute it is. The gentle tone & language it is to be done, chosing not to dished out our own perspectives on what's going on. And to to utterly resist the temptation to instruct how the person should or shouldn't do, say or feel. Labeling so-and-so is sufferring from such-and-such symptoms.

The trick is knowing when, the know-how when to listen ( pick out what's good ) & when not to listen ( discarding what's bad ) & at what moderation it is to be carried out in. That itself would require tremendous skill in balancing the act of coaching.


To me personally, it reminds me of learning Martial Arts when I was much younger, you'll need to practice, practice, and more practice to prepare your body physically (both flexibility & strength, which are quite hard to achieve both at the same instance ) And to combined it with meditation & CHI ( internal strength ) in order to execute the martial arts movements in perfect precision & harmony.



Dr. McKergow shared with us a funny analogy...He said, " when you hear the sounds of pounding hoofs approaching, think of horses, and not Zebras ! "


" In the minds of the expert, there are few possibilities, in the mind of the beginner, there are many!" Shunryu Suzuki




As I begin to reflect What could have done better in my previous employment in dealing with people ( especially those reporting to me) I know now I can react differently & being better than at those times, I've had done in previous situations where conflicts / problems have surfaced.

“The art of being wise ....is the art of knowing what to overlook.”
William James ( 1842 ~ 1910 )