Solutions Within

" You cannot teach a man anything,
you can only help him find it within himself "
Galileo Galilei, An Italian Astronmer & Physicist ( 1564 ~ 1642 )

Often times, we simply fall into " Helping Mode " when we coached our clients, by offering our solutions to them that sort of originates from us instead of having the patience to allow them to discover it themselves.

Furthermore, when we formulate those solutions with our own presumptions about our client situation ( which may or may not be the case ) which is highly subjective.

Once there is no self ownship of the solutions, we right back where we started.

Recently someone related this story to me..........

~Struggling Butterfly Story~

A man found a cocoon of a butterfly.
One day a small opening appeared, he sat and watched
the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force
its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop
making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far
as it could and it could go no farther.

So the man decided to help the butterfly, he took a pair of
scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon.
The butterfly then emerged easily.

But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings.
The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected
that, any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be
able to support the body, which would contract in time.

Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling
around with a swollen body and shriveled wings.
It never was able to fly.

What the man in his kindness and haste did not understand
was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required
for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were
nature's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly
into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once
it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life.
If we went through our life without any obstacles, it
would cripple us. We would not be as strong
as what we could have been. And we could never fly.


I find this storyline very much in-line with the very essence of coaching someone in the Solution Focused way. Very often, like the man, we couldn't help it to just give someone we are coaching ready-made answers or suggestions.....not knowing that will only cripple them later on in life.

Do More With Less !

" Every problem contains within itself ..........the seeds of its own solution "

Just last week, I was helping my Mum cleaned up my Brother's house ( they have temporarily relocated to China due to work & are coming back for a couple of months to stay ) As we were about to leave & lock up....we noticed an alarm light is on indicating that one of the house many windows were not shut tight.

Not knowing which window, we began to check everywhere, as we opened one of the Study Room which is sort of converted to a Temp Store with pieces of Furniture plastic wrapped & stacked up. To our big surprise, we saw a Black Minah Bird perched on one of the bundled up mattresses.

We wondered how long since it had flown in, as we certainly did not clean this particular room! If we have just leave it, the poor bird would have died of starvation! With that thought I slowly approach it with a kind intent to free it from it's prison.

As I was about to reach it, it quickly flew away to hide itself in a tight corner, cleverly evading its capture. Not knowing that I wish it no harm other than to help. But atlas, no matter how hard I tried to catch it, it will quickly move away & hide itself.

At one point I almost got it in my hand, but that stupid, stubborn little black bird started to poke at my hand with its yellow little beak & at the same time madly flapping its wings, screaming away with its little sqeakes.

At that frustrated moment, I almost wanted to give up let it be ( let the bird have its way & die inside that storeroom. We have since shut all the windows, chasing the frightened bird around that tiny enclosed space have caused me to perspire like a fattened pig.

Out of desparation, I thought to myself how to solve this problem....a sudden flash of inspiration came across my mind. I remembered a certain quotation that Dr. Mark Mckergow used during his recent workshop on " Solutions at Work " which goes like this " When you INSIST,...I RESIST " by Anon.

Insist I did, Resist that stupid bird did, vigourously indeed ! So I changed tactics, I opened the windows wider, pulled up the certains higher & walkaway ....retreat to the doorway. Sure enough that pecky little black bird flew up to perch itself on the top of the mattress facing the wide open window.

Still refusing to move out, I took an umberalla nearby and suddenly opened it to chase the frightened bird out off the window. I quickly closed the window & lock it shut with a sigh of relief. As it was already almost an hour later since then. More was done with less effort indeed!

I want to share this little incident as it will certainly help to remind me that we need to let go of our presupposition & our many assumptions when we are dealing with a troubled client. And certainly not to problem solved it on their behalf, battling out possible solutions or labeling whatever situation the client may be in instead of letting them come to their own realization on how to go about solving their own whatever issues that they may have.

Until & unless our client is able to see for themselves & recognised what kind of precarious situation they are in, especially mandated clients, they will resist with all their might the kind efforts we make to reach out to them ( just like that little black bird who were very resourceful in evading its capture ! )

Albert Einstein once said that " No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it ! "

I would like to borrow a summary from " The Solution Focus " book by co-authored by Dr. Mark Mckergow & Paul Z Jackson, which says...

The trouble with traditional approaches to people problems is that they assume a straight-forward relationship between cause and effect, between a problem and its solution. The Soultion Focused Approach sidesteps the causes of trouble and heads straigth for the solution, which is both revolutionary and yet provides a radical alternative, showing you how to envisage your desired future and move swiftly towards it.

In the above trapped bird incident, I have applied two very critical principles in Solution Focuse Method. I stop doing what obviously was not working at that instance and shifted my focus into allowing room of self-exploration instead my dictated " I know better,problem solving " trance.

Now I truly understand what was the meaning behind this quote from Dr. Lin Yutang, a 20th Century Taoist Scholar, which says " Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone! "

Why I started this blog ?

" A great teacher is not simply one who imparts knowledge to his students, but one who awakens their interest in it and makes them eager to pursue it themselves. He is a spark plug, not a fuel pipe. " ( M.J. Berrill )


I am now the student and hope one day to be that teacher ! So this is my humble way of spreading the SF Rumour......

It's blog specially dedicated to plot the learning experience of a new lifestyle of Solution-focused living...dun worry it's not a new cult or something in fact nothing to do with religion, it may be spiritual though. It's about picking up this new skill & applying it in our life. I sort of want to chart my progress in this & challenge myself to do better by letting everybody know about it, that I would not give it up easily. It will also serve as a tool for other to share their experiences.

It's finding what works in our daily living & doing more of it, which will definitely leads to something else greater. it's about a change in perspective. " If you change the way you look at things, the things you looked at changed." It's as if a miracle had happen overnight while we sleep, and when we wakes up in the morning, we began to see things in a different light & people around us will view us differently & so on & so forth

SF seek to offer an alternative perspective for people struggling with their " Whudever issues ". Most importantly SF approach believes that each person have within themselve the resources to find their own solutions, if they are able to focused on What's Working in their lives & do more of it, no matter how insignificant. It's that simple! .... if one route is being obstructed, try another route. That's SF thinking.

There loads & loads of case studies that shows difficult cases which doctors using the Medical approach for years & could not make any headway with them....and were referred to SF therapists as a last resort, and have found a way out with SF, cured! people with eating disorders, addictions, hallucinations, self mutilators, Anger management ( the list goes on....)

I myself found I am able to defuse myself by telling myself to switch focus when I'm boiling angry. Normal time it takes approx. take about 45 mins to cool down myself. Now 2 of out 6 times, I'm able to made the switch almost instantly when I shift my thoughts away from myself being the victim / oppressed, the mounting pressure inside my head sort of defused instantly, it's amazing (like a miracle).

Right now if you asked what was the sarcastic remark or insinuation, I can’t recall. And it’s not important anymore. So proving once again that very often solutions may not be totally related to the problems per se.

What SF is NOT...

" Some Students drink at the fountain of Knowledge, others just gargle " RK Bergethon






More Reflections from last weeks SF Coach Training Workshop by Dr. Mark McKergow & Jenny Clarke " SOLUTIONS IN THE WORKPLACE " I would like to share the common misconceptions about Solution Focused Approach be it in Therapy or Coaching.

SF is Not Culturally Biased towards American/Western priorities

Someone once commented to me that SF may only be applicable to Caucasian Expariates' needs....it not applicable to our local context " our Ah Lians, Ah Huays, Ah Bengs & Ah Sengs " ( Challenging Adolescents ) on the onset I did think that too...How to lead them into the Miracle Question when we in the first place don't talk their lingo. It is also difficult if they are not a " Customer for Change " when they don't want to help themselves.

" When you INSIST, I RESIST " Anon

There is no problem unless someone is :-

• Doing something they don't want to do
• Not doing something they want to do
• doing something they want to do differently

Humility - the Art of Not Knowing coupled with your genuine empathetic ear will often win over even the most disgruntled individuals. The hardest skill in SF of them all, when you have accumulated years of scholastic achievement ( B. Sc, MA, PhD, ....)

The solution on which the focus is placed is not " the thing to be done is ...." , but rather " the difference that is sought ". Change is really not something that is extremely difficult: The problem vanishes, overwhelmed by the sign of the solution rather than anybody actively solving it.

Dr McKergow shared with us that after one of the SF Coaching training session he had with an Established Japanese MNC, an executive comment that he enjoyed the training because " SF is very Japanese ! " " SF is very respectful of the client, not talked down to, but bring up from..."

Not only do loads of Asians ( Japanese, Koreans & Chinese ) taken up the SF Approach because of it's effectiveness, but because they see in SF, their own cultural alignments - Face-saving, making people look good, being respectful, not intent on assigning blame.

" Many of us don't have to turn out the lights to be in the dark. "
Ethical Outlook

SF is not Positive Thinking

SF approach is often hastily characterized as Positive Thinking by those " trigger happy labellers. It's far from that, it's about finding what works, often at difficult & stressful times, ( like a breavement, how to look on the bright side of things when a loved is gone forever )

SF is not about wanting to make the client think that their life is better than it really is to them. It more like identifying what could work during these difficult times. We do this by first finding out what the client really want & to scrutinized for what is already working in their life, no matter how insignificantly small it may seem to them.

" Your ability to learn depends partly on your ability to relinguish what you've held " Milton Hall

SF is not Formula Dependent

Whilst SF Approach does appear to have a clear set of guidelines, they are there to help to set the stage for the Miracle Question, an interactive conversational tool to be used in order to achieve the expectant self-discovery of finding what work for themselves & doing more of it.

Yes sometimes by chance, that's all it takes to open the door of possibilities, however more often than not it take the skill of a Grand Master to ask the right question at the right time in order to open the floodgate of thoughts that will lead the client to formulate themselves the crucial steps of intenting to achieve what's better ( more what works & what they really want ).

Steve de Shazer, one of the co-founder of SF, is often quoted as saying " I only know what question to asked when I hear the answer that I get " a whole lot of improvisation is required, rather than following a fixed format to the letter.

To put in another way, even if you managed somehow to get hold an ancient secret recipe past down from generation to generation, from your Great Great Grand-mother, to make the famous " super-delicious Beef Rendang or whatever " it would be useless, unless coupled with the knowledge of what a pinch of salt actually means, and a dash of that ...."

" It's not good to know more unless we do more with what we already know " RK Bergethon

One more passing shot...

One super powerful analogy, yet ordinary it's an everyday living example about a Shopping List that was pointed out by Dr. McKergow. When you go to a supermarket, do you go with a list of what you don't want ? Of course not right! Generally, most of us would have a list what we need to get, either in our mind or written down. And as we proceed alongside the rows & rows of possiblities, we often end getting more than we bargained for !

What's Better ?

" We can know what better is without knowing what good is " Steve de Shazer ( 1940 ~ 2005 )



We have just completed a 2 Full day workshop " Solutions in the workplace " by Dr. Mark Mckergow & Jenny Clarke of sfwork from the United Kingdom. WOW ! WOW ! WOW ! My poor hand couldn't jogged down FAST enough of what being exchanged during these 2 days of intense Role Playing, Exploratory Learning Process on how to coach others successfully by asking " What they Actually want out of it ? " and NOT " What's wrong with you ? "



By actually going through the process of Affirming each other's unique special qualities, those of us felt Really, really Swell being on the receiving end. And felt real BAD when the usual common negative approach were being used on us. There were also a practice session of MOAN, MOAN, MOAN...to get taste of what is like to hear others " whinning " away. ( I realise now how others must have felt when I did it to them )


We learned that contrary to what the norm is, " the Coach is NOT the Expert ..." That means that you don't need to be a Doctor to coach another Doctor, or A lawyer to coach another Lawyer. What it really needs is simply, to be able to draw out the resources that is already available & existing within oneself.

Searching the possibilities of positive change, no matter how minute it is. The gentle tone & language it is to be done, chosing not to dished out our own perspectives on what's going on. And to to utterly resist the temptation to instruct how the person should or shouldn't do, say or feel. Labeling so-and-so is sufferring from such-and-such symptoms.

The trick is knowing when, the know-how when to listen ( pick out what's good ) & when not to listen ( discarding what's bad ) & at what moderation it is to be carried out in. That itself would require tremendous skill in balancing the act of coaching.


To me personally, it reminds me of learning Martial Arts when I was much younger, you'll need to practice, practice, and more practice to prepare your body physically (both flexibility & strength, which are quite hard to achieve both at the same instance ) And to combined it with meditation & CHI ( internal strength ) in order to execute the martial arts movements in perfect precision & harmony.



Dr. McKergow shared with us a funny analogy...He said, " when you hear the sounds of pounding hoofs approaching, think of horses, and not Zebras ! "


" In the minds of the expert, there are few possibilities, in the mind of the beginner, there are many!" Shunryu Suzuki




As I begin to reflect What could have done better in my previous employment in dealing with people ( especially those reporting to me) I know now I can react differently & being better than at those times, I've had done in previous situations where conflicts / problems have surfaced.

“The art of being wise ....is the art of knowing what to overlook.”
William James ( 1842 ~ 1910 )

Renew, Rewrite & Reinvent Your Life

" A Journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step " Lao Tzu




Hi Readers,

Please accept my humble apologies, for those of you who have read my first two posts, and have been scratching your head wondering what is this guy talking about????

Basically I am at a turning point in my Life. Sorry, for those who is not familiar with Solution Focused's typical lingo yet.

It's a certain type of counselling or therapy that focuses on Solutions rather identifying the problems. It's about being brief / short, not dwelling too much on the problems that causing us distress.

Often, as SF people would call it, the traditional " Medical Approach " spend a great deal of time thinking, talking, and analyzing the problems, meanwhile the sufferings goes on. And like it or not, the more you dwell on the negative cause & effects, the more acute the problems becomes.

So the valuable time, resources & energies should be spent more /on " What Helps ? " " What can I do more of what works for me? " thus bringing on a realistic, reasonable relief to the concerned individuals at the shortest possible time frame. Sometimes it's so simple that many learned professionals are skeptical about it's effectiveness.

Just a toddler that is trying to learn to stand up on it's own & stumbling to take the first steps forward, falling flat on the floor, the baby picks up himself and start all over again....with adults cheering on with their encouraging faces & words...trying again & again until he succeed!

So I, having been briefly exposed to such powerful truths, felt that not only should I makes it a a practice for myself to learn this skill to help myself & others, I should tell others I may not know about this great discovery in my blog that you are reading.

Hopefully I track how far I can progress with it & help to spread the SF rumour......and hoping one day I 'll have acquired enough skills & qualifications in helping others as my permanent vocation in Life!

Of course, one must not treat SF as a cure-all for every ills in Life, it it merely an dedicated approach ( direction / focus ) towards our daily dealing with people around us, especially those we loved so dearly. Try It in your surroundings ! You'll be pleasantly surprise what changes it will bring.

So ask yourself, " What can I do better in ........?" " What did I do recently that bring cheers to people's lives ? " What can I do to get myself out of this situation that hurts me?" And let me know, post your comments on my blog. Ok?

I am just an ordinary person, trying to do extraordinary things ! That's all !